I have too much heart for this life.
When does it all become worth it and why am I running out of excuses to get out of bed in the morning?
I'm praying with no answer and crying without the release of sleep.

after a fucking year now I gotta think what's worse,
the fact nothin has changed or the fact you never will.
Gotta learn to move on.

I'm too afraid too spend christmas alone again.

Why do I settle?

Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
Just tell him to the left left left
Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
Cause we gone & we gone & we gone
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you deserve nothing but the best
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you need to tell him...

So I constantly don't know what I should and shouldn't write on here, I don't really know why. I obviously know no one reads this shit. I feel like everything is always so bipolar with my life. Today an old friend told me how he really thinks I was and am his first true love. It makes me feel so cold and stupid to turn down the most genuine person I know. But I guess I'm a fool. I'm too wrapped up in my own wants. What do I want? If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.

I am an extremely resentful woman.

Every time I've gotten stressed out today I've felt like my heart was going to explode. that's new and really scary.

why must every man lead me to disappointment?
This song still makes me think of you Joe, I'll be so gracious forever you showed me it.
I wish god could help me now.
Please.

I really can't stand anyone anymore.

So the last time I got high is fading from me. I don't really know how I feel right now. I can't tell if I'm in a different place than I use to be. Has anything really changed with me since I started? I don't think so. Is this mindset I live in wrong? I wonder how many people think and feel like I do daily. What's worse to me? Being alone. I already know that I guess. I hate this stress so much though. I wish I could just make you perfect, but that's so wrong of me. I want to be happy and love myself. I want to grow and separate myself from myself... What else can I do to make myself feel better but be self destructive? I don't know.